For those “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” fans, I’m sure you’re familiar with the D.E.N.N.I.S. system. For those who don’t know, the character Dennis makes a 6-step, fool-proof plan for how to seduce women and get laid, using the letters in his name as an acronym. I am in no way advocating this system, because he uses, emotionally abuses, and then abandons these women once he’s slept with them. He’s a complete asshole. However, due to my lack of ability to write a proper blog post in the past few months, and given how much I miss writing the Sex and the Dimple column for The Wheaton Wire, I’m going to discuss the K.A.T.I.E. system of sexual seduction. Disclaimer: I will be talking about stereotypes of heterosexual relationships, so I fully acknowledge that this is not typical of all heterosexuals, and I also apologize for not touching upon homosexual relationships. Perhaps that will be a separate blog post.

Most people, especially women, think that if a woman “puts out” too soon in a relationship, the man will lose respect and interest in the woman. They think he’ll have no reason to stick around since he already got what he wanted. (Apparently, all men want is sex, and women do not in fact want it, at least according to this theory. And obviously men can get it whenever they want, seeing as they will cease to call said woman once he gets sex and thus go elsewhere.) My theory is that if a man does abandon a woman after sex simply because he “got what he wanted” and has lost respect for her because she was too “easy,” then he’s a complete douchebag and not worth dating. But hey, at least she (hopefully) got a good lay out of it!

That’s the positive spin on it: everyone comes out a winner. Man gets the sex he wants; woman gets sex, too, and avoids wasting her time dating an asshole who was only going to use her for sex anyways. And yet, many women see a problem with this scenario. So, let’s change it.

Woman withholds sex for the first few weeks. Jerk of a man seduces her during said period and spends lot of time, effort, and money wining and dining her. Woman feels flattered and eventually gives in and has sex due to the over-abundance of material investment man has made. Jerk Man is disappointed, thinking the first encounter awkward sex (because let’s face it, first sex is always awkward) was hardly worth all the time, effort and money. Woman gets emotionally attached because she thinks she’s finally made an emotional connection with jerk man. Jerk Man loses interest. Jerk Man dumps woman. Woman is heart broken.

Granted, if he wasn’t a jerk, perhaps he’d form an emotional connection with the woman during the no-sex period. However, if he wasn’t a jerk, he also would never use the woman for sex to begin with, so the time frame in which first sex occurred wouldn’t matter. Basically, the moral of the story is that if you’re dating a jerk, he’s still going to be a jerk no matter how long you wait to have sex with him, and will probably get hurt in the end. In my opinion, it’s better to get it over with sooner rather than later to avoid the emotional heartbreak, and possibly get a good shag out of it.

This is not to say every woman (or man) wants to “give it up” so soon. Some people just personally aren’t ready to until they’ve formed an emotional attachment to the person they’re with. That’s fine; everyone has personal preferences. All I’m saying, is that women shouldn’t feel pressured to withhold sex because they think they have to. Newsflash: Women like sex just as much as men do.

Sometimes, if you have sex soon into a relationship, the man has such low expectations and is pleasantly surprised by the furtive romp in the sack. He thinks, “Wow, this chick is awesome! Why wouldn’t I want to call her again?” This is, of course, assuming he understands that the women does not get emotionally attached to every man she sleeps with and he is thus not scared of a commitment he is not ready for. (Disclaimer: I want to reiterate that some people, women and men, do get emotionally attached to every person they sleep with. There is nothing wrong with that, although it can lead to more heartbreaks if one is not careful. That being said, there is also nothing wrong with people who are able to detach their emotions from sexual acts.)

After said couple engage in multiple acts of coitus, they are able to form an emotional connection. At least in personal experience, the post-coitus state of mind is much more relaxed and allows for more open and honest conversation and connection with one’s partner. Perhaps after this casual, sexual relationship ensues for some time, the couple will realize that they actually have developed feelings for one another, that perhaps they want to make their relationship something more than casual dating and hooking up. Perhaps the prospective of future casual hooking up will keep the man interested until he realizes his true feelings for the woman. This may not be the case, and the relationship may dissolve. Again, at least they got a good lay out of it.

I see nothing wrong with casual sexual interactions. Given that said encounters are safe and responsible, meaning that birth control and communication are key ingredients, why should a woman not “give up” sex? What is she in fact giving up? Why isn’t a man thought of giving something up when he sleeps with someone? After all my experiences, I still have my dignity, my pride, my self-confidence, self- esteem, and have been pregnancy and disease-free. Heck, I might even be more self-confident knowing that I’ve been able to have such successful relationships, both casual and serious.

I think it is also worth noting that not all women are looking for relationships, and not all men are looking for casual sex. But again, I said I was talking about stereotypes.I also want to touch upon this idea that a man loses respect for a woman who’s too “easy.” Whether or not he stops seeing her after sex begins, if he doesn’t have respect  for her simply for being a sexually secure and confident female, then he’s still a jerk and not worth dating. Along with birth control and communication, respect is vital to any relationship.

I was going to think of a clever acronym, maybe Kick Attract Tame Initiate Enjoy. Kick them to get their attention (just like in kindergarten). Attract them by flirting. Tame their desires with playful kisses. Initiate sex (men love women who take control). Enjoy the ensuing encounter, which may or may not evolve into something more. But then again, I don’t want to sound too much like the douchebag Dennis.

Women, the only person who won’t respect you after sex is yourself. So if you are able to enjoy safe, responsible casual sexual encounters, by all means do it! It’s your sex life and that’s all that matters!